This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
