Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
