Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
