You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
