Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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