i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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