epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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