when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
