she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
