just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
