remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
