I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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