I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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