I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
