Where did you get a picture of my penis
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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