we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
