She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
