highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
