You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize