I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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