the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
