Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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