He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
