Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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