He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
