Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
