First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub