I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.