I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
