My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
