If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
