Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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