I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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