she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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