i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
