I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
