Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think i got beer on your cat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
