you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How naked do you want me to be?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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