Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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