Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
