Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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