Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
