How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize