Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think a kid would responsible me up
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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