I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
