Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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