We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
