shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
