Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
