Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
