brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
