no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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