i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
