i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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