Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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