its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
