Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
