Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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