Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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