i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
