Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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