This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so let's talk penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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