bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
