u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
