you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
