just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
