Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
