And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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